When People Say Things About You

If you’ve been in ministry, leadership, or simply lived long enough around other sinners, you’ve experienced it. People talk about you.

There are seasons when you will experience this more than others. What is particularly interesting to me is that, in most situations, I know exactly who is talking about me. Yet in almost every case, they are people I have never actually had a conversation with about the matter.

In some cases, they have never even been willing to speak to me directly.

They’ve formed an opinion. They’ve shared that opinion with someone else. And eventually, it makes its way back to me.

• Sometimes what people say about us is true. Sometimes it isn’t.
• Sometimes their criticism is painfully accurate. Other times, after prayerful self-examination and conversations with people we trust, we must conclude that the criticism simply isn’t fair or accurate.

So how should a Christian respond when people talk about us?

• I don’t think the answer is to believe everything people say about us.
• But neither is the answer to dismiss everything people say about us.

Scripture calls us to respond with both humility and discernment.

Here are four principles that have helped me think through this. I’ve put them to writing because I’ve honestly needed to wrestle through this a lot since moving here.

1. Receive Criticism With Humility

Our first response to criticism shouldn’t be self-defense. It should be self-examination.

That’s hard. Our natural reaction is to explain ourselves, justify ourselves, or immediately start thinking about what’s wrong with the person criticizing us.

But Scripture tells us to be willing to listen.

“Let the righteous smite me; it shall be a kindness: and let him reprove me; it shall be an excellent oil, which shall not break my head.” (Psalm 141:5)

“Whoso loveth instruction loveth knowledge: but he that hateth reproof is brutish.” (Proverbs 12:1)

Sometimes God uses uncomfortable words from other people to show us something we need to see. Even when criticism is delivered poorly, there may still be something in it that we need to hear.

So, when someone says something negative about us, perhaps our first question shouldn’t be, “How do I answer this?” Maybe it should be, “Lord, is there any truth here that I need to see?”

That doesn’t mean the criticism is automatically right. It means we are humble enough to consider that it might be.

2. Seek Confirmation From God’s Word and Godly Counsel

Not every accusation is true. Not every perception is reality. After we’ve honestly examined ourselves before the Lord, we should be willing to seek the counsel of people who know us and love us enough to tell us the truth.

David prayed:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts.” (Psalm 139:23)

That’s a good prayer when we’re being criticized. But we also need other people.

“Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established.” (Proverbs 15:22)

A godly spouse, fellow pastor, trusted friend, or mature believer can sometimes see things in us that we don’t see in ourselves. If several people who know us well point out the same problem, we ought to pay attention.

But the opposite can also be true. If we’ve prayed about it, searched our hearts, talked honestly with people who know us well, and there simply isn’t anything to substantiate the accusation, we shouldn’t feel obligated to accept something as true simply because someone said it.

Humility doesn’t mean agreeing with every criticism. Humility means being willing to honestly evaluate every criticism.

3. Don’t Let False Accusations Define You

Jesus was misunderstood. He was called a glutton and a drunkard. He was accused of casting out demons by the power of Satan. Paul was repeatedly misunderstood and falsely accused. The prophets experienced the same thing.

Faithfulness to God has never guaranteed that everyone will have a good opinion of us. Paul understood this. “But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged of you, or of man’s judgment.” (1 Corinthians 4:3) And then he says:

“But he that judgeth me is the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 4:4)

Paul wasn’t claiming that he was perfect. He was simply recognizing that the final verdict belongs to God.

That’s an important truth for us to remember. We aren’t required to carry every opinion that someone forms about us. We don’t have to spend our lives trying to correct every false narrative. We should be willing to receive correction. But we shouldn’t become enslaved to the opinions of other people.

If careful self-examination reveals no basis for a charge, and trusted believers who know us well cannot affirm it, there comes a point when we simply have to entrust our reputation to the Lord and keep serving Him.

4. Keep Living Faithfully and Let Time Tell the Truth

Sometimes the best response is simply to keep being faithful.

There is a temptation, especially in ministry, to spend an enormous amount of energy trying to correct every misunderstanding, answer every accusation, and chase down every rumor. You can’t live that way.

At some point, you must keep doing what God has called you to do. Peter writes:

“Having your conversation honest among the Gentiles: that, whereas they speak against you as evildoers, they may by your good works, which they shall behold, glorify God.” (1 Peter 2:12) And again: “Having a good conscience; that, whereas they speak evil of you, as of evildoers, they may be ashamed that falsely accuse your good conversation in Christ.” (1 Peter 3:16)

There is something powerful about a clear conscience and a consistent life.

People may believe something about you today that isn’t true. But you don’t have to spend the rest of your life trying to convince them otherwise. Keep walking faithfully. Keep loving people. Keep preaching the truth. Keep doing what is right.

Over time, character has a way of revealing itself. A single accusation can get a lot of attention. But a lifetime of faithfulness speaks much louder.

Final Thoughts

Every criticism deserves a hearing, but not every criticism deserves a verdict. When someone says something about us, the humble Christian asks, “Could this be true?”

We search our hearts before God. We listen to people who love us enough to tell us the truth. If correction is needed, we repent. But if the accusation proves to be unfounded, we don’t have to live under it. We can entrust ourselves to the Lord and keep walking faithfully.

The goal isn’t to become so defensive that we can’t receive correction. But neither is the goal to become so consumed with what people think about us that we are constantly questioning ourselves.

The goal is a clear conscience before God, a heart that is willing to be corrected, and a confidence that ultimately rests not in the opinions of people but in the judgment of God.

At the end of the day, not everyone is going to think well of us. That’s okay.

What matters is whether we can stand before the Lord with integrity and say, “By Your grace, I have sought to walk faithfully before You.”

---

This article first appeared in Echoes of Faith, the newsletter of Faith Baptist Church, Taylors, SC. We republish by permission.

Image created with Adobe Firefly.