When My Fellow Christian Sins: Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick

Nobody likes confrontation. Whether confronting or being confronted, the Bible guides what we do and how to respond. Along these lines, two passages arrested my attention this past week, both by Paul to the Corinthians. There’s much to learn from Paul’s example.

In the first passage, 1 Corinthians 4:14–21, Paul gives a loving warning. He does in the second as well, 2 Corinthians 12:19–21. Both passages indicate Paul hopes to deal with matters in person, but he hopes their meeting will be marked by love and gentleness instead of dealing with sin. He hopes his words in his letters provoke repentance in order for better fellowship when they finally meet in person. He speaks of coming with “a rod” but would prefer “love and a spirit of gentleness” (1 Cor 4:21). He hopes to speak softly, but he warns them of the shepherd’s stick—the rod of Christ, that is, speaking rebuke and corrective words on the Lord’s behalf.

What follows is not a verse-by-verse exposition of these verses but just some practical lessons that stuck out to me as I’ve thought about confrontations that have taken place from time to time.

Our goal is not to make others look bad.

Paul clarifies, “I do not write these things to shame you” (1 Cor 4:14). He has to deal with sin, but his goal is never to be vindictive. He loves these people like children, and his goal is for them to look like him insomuch as he looks like Jesus Christ (1 Cor 4:14–16). If our goal is to push someone’s nose into the ground and to grovel at our feet, our motivation is seriously wrong. Love should be our guide and goal in all we do.

Our goal is not to make ourselves look good.

Sometimes we have to confront someone else over how we ourselves have been treated, criticized, or slandered. Paul knew his opponents’ thoughts: “All this time you have been thinking that we are defending ourselves to you” (2 Cor 12:19). In reality, he corrects, “it is in the sight of God that we have been speaking in Christ; and all for your upbuilding, beloved” (2 Cor 12:19). Our goal is Christlikeness for those who we confront. It’s not to show how righteous we ourselves are in contrast to them. We’re not seeking to impress them. It is God who watches how we speak and judges us in the end.

Confrontation might not go how we desire.

Paul openly spoke his fears of how their sins might continue, the result being that “my God may humiliate me before you, and I may mourn over many of those who have sinned in the past and not repented” (2 Cor 12:21). As Christians, we can feel powerless when our efforts to help others are rejected. This grief is especially so for those in whom we invest the most. Sometimes people persist in sin, as much as we appeal to them otherwise, humbling and breaking our hearts. In those moments, we can only pray that God would do a mighty work in the hearts of those we try to reach but push us further away.

But then again, maybe it will.

Paul hopes to come “with love and a spirit of gentleness” (1 Cor 4:21) and that some will have “repented” (2 Cor 12:21). He has no appetite for facing others caught up in pride and strife or sexual sin (1 Cor 4:18; 2 Cor 12:20, 21). His hope for progress and trust in the power of God is why he wrote these letters. Even if his letters fell flat, he hoped to come in person. With God on our side, nothing is impossible, even seeing repentance for significant sin in the lives of others, which sometimes requires repeated confrontations. Perhaps persistent sin results in taking steps toward church discipline, but even then, the goal is to win a brother to repentance and have harmony again (Matt 18:15). There’s always hope for the sinner.

Books have been written on confrontation, examining scores of other passages. Today I’ve barely touched two, but their lessons are invaluable. May God help us as we admonish one another unto a greater love for one another and to be more like Christ as His return draws near.

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Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

David Huffstutler is the senior pastor of First Baptist Church in Troy, MI. He blogs here, where this article also appeared. It is published here by permission.