How Do Your Associates Affect Your Ways?

^{Pr 22.24-25} Do not associate with a man given to anger;
Or go with a hot-tempered man,

 ²⁵ Or you will learn his ways
And find a snare for yourself.

Why do associations matter? Proverbs 22.24-25 give us a good reason. If we associate with someone given to anger (for example), his fault will likely “rub off” on us and we will find ourselves ensnared by the same failings.

Do you agree with that? Do you think Solomon erred? What causes such influence in relationships?

Perhaps the warning of Solomon has to do with how close the friendship might be … could that be it? The Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament dashes that idea:

The word “is used for friend, neighbor, associate—close or occasional. Often it is used in the phrase, one to another. It is used of the Hebrew companion slain by a fellow slave in Ex 2:13; of a man murdered by his fellow in Ex 21:14; of the soldier who heard the dream of a fellow soldier in the Gideon story (Jud 7:13); and of Job’s three friends (!). It thus can be used of chance acquaintances and partners, but also of closer friends. Hirah the Adullamite was Judah’s friend (Gen 38:12). The word is not used for David and Jonathan’s friendship. The breadth of usage of this word shows that when Christ quoted Lev 19:18, ‘Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself,’ the lawyer need not have asked his famous question.”¹

The word can refer to a close friend or a mere acquaintance — the level of intimacy of the relationship is not what makes the association a problem.

The second part of verse 24 gives us a clue. The parallel of “do not associate” is “do not … go with” such a man. This term “has the idea of walking down the path of life with another.”² Regardless of the closeness of the relationship, it is when we “go with” the angry man that trouble lurks for us. The next verse warns of learning his ways. Kitchen uses the word “undertow” to describe the dangers that lurk in association with the angry man — if we walk with this man, we can easily be swept up by the negative angry drag that dominates his life.

That means we should guard the direction of our relationships. Paul says that we can’t separate from every sinner, or else “you would have to go out of the world.” (1 Cor 5.10) It is impractical to go out of the world, but it is impossible for Christians to go with sinners in their way in the world.

That means that our relationship with sinners should not be an approving, excusing, accommodating relationship. We need to minister to them in their sin but walk in a different direction from their sin. I may know a guy who is a regular drinker (for example), and I can associate with him in the world to a certain extent, but I can’t go with him to a bar or be his companion when he is drinking. I could play a round of golf with him, but should I join him in the club house afterwards? I think that the Christian needs circumspection when it comes to where you will go with any sinner, and what you will do. If we are to be evangelists in our world, we will meet sinners — we want to meet sinners — but we can’t “go with” them.

Now the wisdom of Proverbs 22.24 isn’t speaking about the worldly man, the man with vices. It is speaking of an angry man, a man with bad character. It is not just his practices that we might be contaminated by, but his spiritual life. What kind of testimony would it be for a believer to learn the ways of the angry man, that is, adopt his attitude and his pride, and then attempt to have a spiritual influence with others?

The proverb could be expanded in many ways: “Do not associate with a proud man …” Or a “selfish man.” Or an “untruthful man.” The concept is the concept of Biblical separation. Recently I wrote about personal separation. These truths apply to all examples of personal separation. If we are going to “go with” Christ, we need to not “go with” the world in any of its spiritual habits of life.

These concepts can also apply to ecclesiastical separation. We can’t “go with” false teachers, certainly. Such associations must be severed, even though we might personally try to win such men back to Christ – we can’t make their ways our ways, lest their ways become our ways.

When other Christians live errant lives, be they angry, worldly, guilty of ecclesiastical compromise, their ways can’t become our ways, lest we “find a snare” for ourselves.

We need to make careful decisions about how the ways of others affect our ways. If our friends walk with God, what a blessing it is to give and receive influence! But we need to take much care when are friends don’t take their walk with God seriously.

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1. R. Laird Harris, “2186 רָעָה,” in Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament, ed. R. Laird Harris et al. (Moody, 1980), 853. [↩]
2. John A. Kitchen, Proverbs: A Mentor Commentary (Mentor, 2006), 511. [↩]