A Marriage with Christ in the Middle (Colossians 3:18-19)

Husbands and wives find much in Scripture for how to love and respect one another (e.g., Eph 5:22–33; 1 Pet 3:1–7). This post focuses on one short passage, Colossians 3:18–19.

“Wives” are commanded briefly, “be subject to your husbands” (Col 3:18a). The command to “be subject” is to submit oneself, and, as a wife to a husband, as a helpmeet or helper to him as head of the home (cf. Gen 2:18; Eph 5:22, 24, 33). Implied is that wives must love their husbands as well (Titus 2:3–5). A husband will appreciate his wife’s beauty with his eyes, but more beautiful still in God’s eyes is the beauty of her gentle and quiet spirit, showing a love for the Lord (cf. 1 Pet 3:1–6). A husband trusts in such a woman, is respected because of her, and gives her verbal praise (Prov 31:10–12, 23, 27–29).

This submission to a husband “is fitting in the Lord” (Col 3:19b). The Greek word for “fitting” or “proper” is used only two other times in the New Testament, describing thanksgiving and forgiveness (Eph 5:4; Phm 8). Like other Christian actions, so also is a wife’s submission—something fitting and proper before the Lord Jesus Christ. Otherwise, her attempt to domineer can be like a continually dripping rain, an unrestrained wind, and oil in the hand—uncontrollable things that take the pleasure out of life (Prov 19:13; 27:15–16). A man with such a wife will be tempted to run to the corners of his home or even far away (Prov 21:9, 19; 25:24).

“Husbands” are likewise commanded briefly, “love your wives” (Col 3:19a). Paul elaborates elsewhere that the model of a husband’s love for his wife is found in Christ who loved His bride, the church, even       unto death (Eph 5:25–27). Another picture is simple—as one loves his own body, so also a husband should nourish and cherish his wife (Eph 5:28–29). This love shows itself through companionship and dwelling according to a wife’s interests, dreams, and desires (1 Pet 3:7a). It means recognizing her as a fellow heir of the grace of life, someone made equally in the image of God (1 Pet 3:7b).

Paul adds the prohibition, “And do not be embittered against them” (Col 3:19b). This command has the idea of a husband’s tendency to be harsh with his wife, perhaps provoked by sin. As a noun, “bitterness” is kin to “wrath and anger and clamor and slander,” all things means and terrible and certainly not for a husband to express to his wife (Eph 4:31). The remedy for embitterment, whatever the reason for it may be, is kindness, compassion, and forgiveness—all found and pictured in our Lord Jesus Christ (Eph 4:32). The husband who treats his wife harshly, whether actively through anger or passively by neglect, hinders his relationship with God at the least and shows a lack of faith at the most (1 Pet 3:7b; cf. 1 Tim 5:8).

If Christ is in the middle of a marriage, a wife will gladly submit to her husband, and the husband will gladly love his wife. May God give grace to our marriages today, and may all glory go to Him.

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Photo by Sandy Millar on Unsplash

David Huffstutler is the senior pastor of First Baptist Church in Troy, MI. He blogs here, where this article also appeared. It is published here by permission.