Does God Want Me to Be Married?

Does God Want Me to Be Married?

Lots of believers ask themselves this question in the privacy of their own hearts. Sometimes they also ask it out loud. With 46% of adults 18 and over in the USA unmarried, it is very likely than many single Christians are considering this question.  What does the Bible and biblical wisdom have to say about it?

Biblical Reasons to Get Married

Believe it or not, but Bible makes a case for biblical marriage. God officiated the first marriage when He made Eve. He “walked Eve down the aisle” when He presented her to Adam (Genesis 2:22). If God created marriage, He had reasons, and those reasons are good reasons to get married.

Companionship.

“It is not good for man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18)

One of the aspects of the image of God in man is that God created humans as social beings. Just as the Three Persons of the Trinity enjoy companionship within the Godhead, so God created mankind to have companionship with Him and with one another.

Sexual Intimacy.

“And they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24

“Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:2-5)

Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. (Hebrews 12:4)

Sexual desires are God’s gift to humanity, not a curse. They are not evil. The sexual relationship is a beautiful part of marriage that bonds a man and woman together in one-flesh unity. This unifying act is one of the reasons why sex outside of marriage is so damaging (1 Corinthians 6:14-20).  Certainly, the idea of romantic emotional love also fits here.  Romantic love is designed by God to culminate in a physical union.

Procreation.

Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth . . . . (Genesis 1:18)

Therefore a man shall leave his father . . . . (Genesis 2:24)

One of the important reasons to be married is so that children grow up in a family relationship that provides a committed, biblical, stable, environment. This does not mean that God will not help the single parent, or that He does not even providentially place children in such a home. God is always our helper. But the creation design is for fathers and mothers to raise children.

Blessing.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22)

God pronounces a blessing on marriage. In the Proverbs context, it relates the favor and blessing a good wife is to a husband, I can only assume this blessing goes both ways.

For the church and society.

You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. (Deuteronomy 6:7)

The home is where biblical and societal truth is taught from one generation to the next. Marriage is the foundation of the home (Ephesians 6:4).

As a testimony of the relationship between Christ and the Church.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her  . . . . (Ephesians 5:22-25)

Of course, for this testimony to be effective, not only must there be a marriage, but also the husband and wife must truly reflect that sacred relationship.

Unbiblical or Unwise Reasons to Avoid Marriage.

The reasons I hear in our culture at large for not getting married are often unbiblical, and these are creeping into our churches as well.

I want some years of freedom. Such an attitude is selfishness. When we become believers, our lives must be committed to service for God (Romans 12:1-2). There is no place for “sowing wild oats.” Wasting our lives in selfish pursuit does not fit into that biblical model.

It doesn’t fit into my career plans. This is backwards thinking. Marriage is more important than career and commitment to family is more important than status or income.  True biblical marriage is about making the spouse primary and selfless commitment (Ephesians 5:22-23). There is a biblical case for remaining single for ministry, we will talk about that later.

We can’t afford it. This is a modern invention, often imposed on couples by themselves or their parents. It is reasonable to want a young man or young woman to show the ability to work hard, avoid laziness, etc. But it is not an appropriate biblical requirement to demand a man provide a certain lifestyle for a woman (or vice versa in today’s liberated thinking). Character is an appropriate concern; lifestyle is not. In almost all cases, two can live together less expensively than apart. They can even pay off debt more easily together than apart. Most often this is a standard of more of status and pride than of function.

I can satisfy my needs without it. If this means that pornography, self-gratification, or sex outside marriage is enough, this is just wickedness. It is treated as acceptable in the culture, but it is sin before God.

It is just a piece of paper. Marriage in the Bible and throughout history has always been a legally enforceable covenant. In scripture, it was a legal contract and required a legal procedure to nullify. The couple that thinks they can have biblical marriage without having a legal marriage is self-deceived.

We want to have a big wedding. There is nothing technically wrong with wanting a big wedding. There is nothing wrong with waiting so that a big wedding can take place. Having a wedding that beyond your financial means is not only unwise, but it might also be sinful. Waiting perpetually for this cultural fabrication is foolish if the couple truly believes God wants them to be married. Living with one another in sexual disobedience while waiting for the big wedding is sin.

I am afraid of divorce and its consequences. We live in a legal environment that can make divorce quite painful. It is financially horrible for men and women. It is most often emotionally devastating and very hard on children. People who lived through the divorce of their parents might fear marriage. Be aware that just because your parents had a bad marriage does not mean you are doomed to have one as well. Be willing to let God help you to break the pattern. However, if you approach marriage as disobediently as your parents did, you will likely have the same result. Marriage is a step of faith. It requires faith in God and faith in your marriage partner. It takes work to make a marriage work. But that is no reason to avoid marriage when God is leading you to it.

I haven’t found someone who is rich enough, tall enough, etc. Having unbiblical and unrealistic standards for a partner often leaves people—men or women—without a partner at all, or with the wrong partner in the end.

My church forbids it. I do not know of any denominations today that forbid marriage altogether, but some groups forbid marriage for members of the clergy. This is an unbiblical requirement (1 Timothy 3:1-7, 4:3).

Biblical or wise reasons to wait on marriage or remain single.

I have not yet found the right person. This is always a good reason to wait, and everyone waits for some period of time. It is biblically obedient to wait for a person who is a believer, loves God, is the right match, and has the appropriate biblical love (2 Corinthians 6:14).

I believe God wants me to be single for the sake of serving Him more fully. The Apostle Paul not only gave this as a reason for his remaining single, but he also recommended it for the Corinthian believers (1 Corinthians 7:8-9, 32-35). Some Christians have no desire to be married and commit themselves to service for the Lord. Others might like to be married but choose to be content with their present situation for the Lord’s sake and for His service. There are also those were married, but are no longer married, either because the spouse died or deserted them, and they choose to be content in their present situation for the Lord’s sake rather than remarry.

I was previously married and do not believe that I am biblically qualified to remarry. There are differing views within the Christian world regarding when a divorced person might be allowed to remarry. Some say anytime. Some say only when the spouse was unfaithful or deserted. Some say that there can be no remarriage except when the former spouse dies. I will not argue this issue here. However, Paul is very clear that every believer must be convinced of God’s will in their own mind before proceeding (Romans 14, especially verse 23). Do not remarry without honestly seeking God’s will in God’s word for the answer to this question. Are you biblically qualified to remarry?

Conclusion.

We are supposedly in a marriage crisis today worldwide. This is because of unbiblical attitudes toward marriage. There should not be such a crisis within the body of Christ. We know God’s heart toward marriage. He invented it, He encourages it, and He blesses it.