Why Negotiating with God Does Not Work
Stop trying to negotiate with God! Just stop it.
People going through trials often respond to those trials by trying to negotiate with the Divine One. This type of negotiation often arises from a lifestyle that is characterized by sin and disobedience to God.
Let me first say that this discussion is about Christian living, it is not about how to become a Christian. Becoming a Christian is by faith alone. No amount of determined change can bring about the forgiveness and regeneration necessary for salvation.
A young woman comes to faith in Jesus Christ through the witness of a co-worker. She begins attending church and growing in the faith. She attends Bible Studies, gives up addictive habits, and even changes the way she dresses and behaves. She does all of this, not out of compulsion, but because she truly is led by the Spirit and believes it is honoring God. However, she is living with her boyfriend and has been doing so for many years. They are not married buyown a house together, share expenses, and are faithful to one another. She truly loves him, and she is convinced that he loves her. He shows no interest in the gospel and says that he is fine with her being religious but he wants no part of it. Understandably, she desperately wants God to save him. She refuses to leave this domestic situation hoping that God will change her boyfriend’s heart. Then she can live obediently to God and with her loved one at the same time.
Without really understanding it, she has entered into a negotiation with God. “If you save my boyfriend, then I will not commit sexual sin anymore.” While churches and Christian workers have to prayerfully and patiently help people through these agonizing choices, we do have to remember that sin is still sin and that God does not give out indulgences if we give him most of everything else.
God is not impressed by a bigger tip.
There are many areas of life in which this principle applies. It can include surrendering to ministry, giving up a sin, making restitution, or biblical financial stewardship.
“If you help me with my financial troubles, I will give money to the church.”
Luke 21:1-4
And He looked up and saw the rich putting their gifts into the treasury, and He saw also a certain poor widow putting in two mites. So He said, “Truly I say to you that this poor widow has put in more than all; for all these out of their abundance have put in offerings for God, but she out of her poverty put in all the livelihood that she had.”
God is not satisfied with us giving Him what is convenient for us, or what costs us very little. He demands Lordship over the life of a believer. That means that we must obey Him completely. The important thing about the widow and the mite that she gave is not that she gave more, proportionately than the rich, but that she gave ALL she had. He wants us to surrender all to Him.
God is not satisfied by an obedience that keeps areas of rebellion in reserve.
Matthew 23:23
Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faith. These you ought to have done, without leaving the others undone.
Partial obedience is disobedience. When I ask my child to put his dirty clothes in the hamper, and he carries them halfway to the hamper, places them beside the hamper, or even places them on top of the hamper—it is all still disobedience. God does not allow us to reserve areas of rebellion in our lives and walk on as if He is comfortably satisfied with us. We don’t always know all the areas of rebellion in our lives until the Holy Spirit reveals them to us, but He expects us to surrender them when we know to do so.
God does not respond to you first then me deals.
“If you bring my partner back to me, I will treat her/him better this time.”
Luke 15:11-32
But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants.
The prodigal did not return to the Father and negotiate for reinstatement to sonship. He returned humbly, asking for mercy, willing to work as a slave rather than as a son. This humble response demonstrated a truly repentant attitude and allowed a sincere and healthy reunification with the Father. A truly repentant person repents, regardless of what the consequences might be.
God does not abide by our deadlines
If you are still thinking “I will give God a try” you will fail.
Job 13:15
Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.
Job gave himself no “trial period” in his commitment to God. I remember counseling a young man about some marriage issues. We talked about the proper way a husband is supposed to treat his wife. His response to me was, “I tried that for a whole month and it did not work.” That is not how this works. God calls husbands to be what a Christian husband should be regardless of the wife’s response. It’s not a test period to see if it works, its just plain obedience.
Our God is an unconditional surrender God.
Negotiating presumes compromise. It assumes that each party gives up a bit of our own will for the sake of a common agreement. Why should the perfect God of the universe who knows all things, is perfectly holy, and all-powerful, give in to anything that we might want that is different from His will?
God wants us to agree with Him when He points out our sins—all of them. He wants us to confess it as sin before Him. This means no more excusing ourselves or blaming others. He wants us to repent of that sin and depend on Him to get victory over it.
This should not lead to an unhealthy introspection. I have seen people constantly doubting themselves and searching every area of life to see if there is some unsurrendered area. One pastor humorously called this “spiritual navel-gazing.” David asked God to do the searching, revealing, and leading, and I assume that David also trusted that God would answer that prayer (Psalm 139:23-24). God is perfectly capable of revealing through His word and His Spirit exactly what He wants from us.
What about Hannah? Wasn’t that a negotiation?
Praying and asking something of God is not necessarily negotiation. Praying is obedience. Praying is asking but not threatening. Prayer is seeking God’s counsel and His wisdom. Biblical prayer is surrendered prayer. I do think God welcomes agonizing prayer when we are working through the most difficult things in life. Those types of prayers are often disjointed, messy, and filled with raw emotion. In those times the Spirit of God prays with us and for us according to Romans 8. This is not the same thing as the selfish negotiation we often try to do with God.
In Hannah’s case, I don’t believe she was negotiating with God, she was surrendering to God. It was God’s will for her to dedicate the child to come to the Lord’s service. It was when she came to the point of being willing to surrender that child, that God gave her the child.
How are you doing in your Christian life? Have you come to a stopping point? Have you been trying to negotiate with God about a clear area of surrender? It is time to stop and say “Yes, Lord.”
Audio version of this post is here: Why Negotiating with God Does Not Work