What is True Love?

It was our Senior year of High School. And it was finally announced. The dreaded Bible project we had all heard the upperclassman talk about and the one we finally got to write. The project was a two-page paper titled “What you are looking for in a future mate.” This project would not have had as much impact if it hadn’t been for the fact that the teacher would be reading every one of the papers to the entire class on Valentine’s Day. Needless to say, while each of those papers was being read, all of us were trying to guess who was who. All of us kept our identity hidden so as not to reveal who we really were or the type of person we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with.

I have no recollection of anything I wrote on that paper. I can guarantee you that it was vague, vain, and of no value. Why? Because, like every Prince Charming, I wanted my Cinderella (I got her). Or, like every Cinderella, the girls wanted their Prince Charming. We all just wanted our future relationship to be perfect.

And don’t we all. Everything must be perfect from our first date to the day you walk into your home together. Unfortunately, TV has made the make-believe an almost reality with cameras and crews following families and recording the perfect engagements and weddings, or the Hallmark Channel making my kids think that when they have their first kiss, all creation will stop, snow will start falling and music from somewhere will begin to play…even if it’s in July! (And when they are 30).

Therefore, because of this fantasy authors and screenwriters have sketched, we have all created a scenario in our minds that does not portray marriage as it is: two flawed sinners striving to make things work while creating a space of stability, love, and consolation. Instead, we see a ripped romantic with a passion for poetry who owns his own business, which allows us to travel and be together continually.

One of the greatest hindrances to marriage today is that ideal. We are all looking for that perfect one. For the one who checks off every item on our list. This creates an extreme idealism that, in turn, leads to deep pessimism that you will never find the right person to marry. This is the reason so many put off marriage and look right past great prospective spouses who are not good enough.

Ladies, there is someone who loves you for you. God has created one to be attracted to you just as you are. The world of social media that has made you think you are not attractive unless you fit a certain mold is false. You are exactly who you need to be as God’s creation, and He has a young man out there who will love you more than anything, regardless of how you think you look.

Idealism, or the me-marriage philosophy, is destroying marriages. Believing our “soul mate” will make everything better, including me, and help me be happy and bounce through life in a fairy tale with a guaranteed happy ending every day … is a fairy tale! Please, if you get nothing from this, get this: With this thinking, your marriage will never work.

You are trying to make your lover into God, and no human being can live up to that. LISTEN; you will only find your true solace and satisfaction in Christ alone. Keller says, “When we look to our spouses to fill up our tanks in a way that only God can do, we are demanding an impossibility.”

We should pray for our spouse or future spouse every day that they would be more conformed to God’s image, as we find our true fulfillment in the One who was made in God’s exact image, our Lord and Savior Jesus!

(This article comes from the introduction of a series of messages I plan to give at The Wilds family camp this coming April. We would love to have you join us if you are able! Please pray for the Wilds and even consider helping them financially, as they begin cleaning up in the aftermath of Helene.)

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Treg Spicer is pastor of Faith Baptist Church – Morgantown, WV. Follow his blog here. We republish his articles by permission.

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Photo by Melissa Askew on Unsplash