What Does “Train Up” Mean in Proverbs 22:6?
Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.
Probably the most quoted verse in Proverbs is 22:6. Over the years, the verse has held as a precious promise to parents that if they do everything right, their kids will turn out right. It has also been used as a guilty club to beat up parents who are feeling defeated over the choices of a rebellious child. Both responses are a misinterpretation and a misapplication of the text.
This verse is not saying what most people think it is saying. The common interpretation is that if you train your child—as in maintaining an orderly and Christian atmosphere in the home through consistent discipline—children will live like Christians throughout their lives. This interpretation misses the nuances of the verse.
Train up a child
The word translated train up (hunuk) is translated this way only here in all of the scripture. Elsewhere, the word is understood as dedicate or dedicate to. In 1 Kings 8:63 and 2 Chronicles 7:5, 9, it is used in the sense of Solomon dedicating the Temple. In Daniel 3:2 it is used to describe the event in which Nebuchadnezzar dedicated his image. In Numbers 7:10 it describes the dedication of the altar.
The word is then not so much about the process of raising a child but about the purpose of parents in raising a child. This should change a parent’s thinking. All interactions between parents and children ought to be based on that child’s identity as a person dedicated to God and given to God for His purposes. It is not just about a pattern of behavior, but a purpose in life. It is about God’s purpose, not ours. Our job as parents is to point them toward that purpose from the beginning and consistently while they are under our care.
The best way I can describe it would be that they are like arrows or bullets that we shoot toward the target. We provide direction and restrictions while they are in our care so that they arrive one day at the desired end. This also requires us to anticipate the outside factors influencing their flight toward the target. Long-distance shooters accommodate for drop over distance, windage, and more as they seek to land a bullet accurately.
In the way he should go.
So, if this passage is about dedicating a child to a particular end, what is that end? What is the way that he should go? The Disney-ized among us read this as finding the path in life that fits with their individuality—their own likes and goals—that which will make them happy. It’s Ariel having it out with her father.
That is not it.
There is no such concept in scripture. However, many parents have a different and yet still unbiblical goal in mind. Their parenting is focused on the parents’ goals. Get good grades. Get a good education. Grow up to have financial security. Look good. Don’t end up in jail. Do something that allows mom or dad to vicariously live out their unfulfilled dreams through their child.
That is not it, either.
The way that he should go is God’s will for his (or her) life. They not only make life direction choices, but lifestyle and heart choices that please God. The goal of parents should be that their children grow up to live out Micah 6:8.
He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?
Another expression of this same goal is found in the two love commandments.
Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:36-40)
This should be the simple and sufficient end goal for every Christian parent raising every Christian child. If they do this, everything else will fall into place.
Where does imbalanced parenting come from?
I think it comes from missing the proportions of the Book of Proverbs. When we talk about or preach on parenting we tend to emphasize the discipline passages (or spanking passages) of the book—Proverbs 13:24, 19:18, 22:15, 23:13-14, 29:17. Certainly correction—even physical correction—is a necessary expression of love for a child that is in disobedience. But if that is ALL we do as parents we will certainly exasperate our children.
We must remember that the entire book of Proverbs is addressed to My Son. Conversational teaching, teaching with pithy sayings, and positive interaction in life should be the vast majority of the dedicating work of the parent. Both the Old Testament (in Deuteronomy 6:7-8) and the New Testament (Ephesians 6:4) reiterate this principle.
When he is old, he will not depart from it.
It is important also for us to remember that a proverb is a general principle of life. It does not mean that there are no exceptional results to the principle, and it does not override the sinful will of a child. What it is saying is that bullets and arrows tend to fly where you point them.