Do Not Forsake Your Father’s Friends
Proverbs 27:10, 17 says,
Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend, nor go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity; better is a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.
As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.
I would like to spend a few minutes unpacking the lessons and implications of these verses. They are so important as I see generational shifts in ministry.
I recently had a chance to attend a Ministry DNA retreat hosted by Brent Armstrong from Tucson Baptist Church. It was a retreat that was focused on fathers and sons in ministry. It was an eclectic group of fathers and sons from a fairly broad number of ministry “camps.” The time was refreshing as we discussed the dynamics of fathers and sons ministering together, or sometimes just both being in ministry with different nuances of approach.
We have seen many of these relationships in broader evangelicalism—the Stanley’s, Osteen’s, and others come to mind. There is often a tendency for the sons to correct the perceived errors of their fathers, and to develop a completely new set of friends and peers in ministry. The relationship becomes contentious and the new direction is dangerous.
Do not forsake your father’s friends.
The fathers and their friends are not perfect, but the values, battles, and wisdom of previous generations is precious. The relationships themselves are valuable. The friends of the fathers should be friends of the sons as well. It is not necessary to invent new ministries, new organizations, or new movements. Do not discard the ones that have been forged in tears over time. Every God-honoring father wants his sons to follow the Lord wherever it takes them. But he also follows the Lord, and those faithful values should not be forgotten.
You may not always agree, but if you count your father’s friends as your own, they will sharpen you in ways that your same-age peer group cannot.
Young men in ministry, do not forsake your father’s friends. You do so to your hurt and the hurt of those to whom you minister.
Do not forsake your friend’s children.
But this relationship goes two ways. One of the ways I will know if one of my friends is a friend worth having will be how he treats my children. If I love my friend, I will also love his kids and invest in them and help them.
One of the great blessings I have had in ministry is to know that my friends pray for my children —all of my—regularly, sometimes daily. Sandy and I felt a great sense of loss when Beneth Jones went to heaven. Every time we saw her, she would tell us that she prays for our children, one son in particular, daily. I have had many friends who have invested deeply in my children and will remain in quality relationships long after I am gone should the Lord take me before them.
We may not always agree, and the sharpening that goes on between generations might be uncomfortable at times, but we must hold on to these relationships like a pit bull on a t-bone.
Satan wants to damage these relationships.
A perverse man sows strife, and a whisperer separates the best of friends. (Proverbs 16:28)
He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends. (Proverbs 17:9)
Who is separating between you and your father’s friends (or your father)? Who is speaking disparagingly? Who is creating conflict? Do not let them succeed in doing the perverse man’s work. Do not despise your father or his friends. We need each other.