Reminding Myself that I Do not Matter

 

Are you angry, or feeling persecuted?  Did you get a raw deal?  Is it possible that you are thinking of yourself more highly than you ought to think? (Romans 12:3)

For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. 

How different this passage is than the worldly advice so predominantly present on social media. I Google the title of this post and I find hundreds of articles intently focused on convincing me that it’s not true– that I do matter. They will not help. Wallowing in my own sense of self-worth will only lead to disappointment.

I don’t know about you, but I sometimes am greatly tempted to give myself a pity party. We all get there in one way or another. We feel underappreciated, misused, sinned against, and more. I might even have the facts straight. The problem is my overvaluation of self. The Apostle Paul was certainly a person that was misused, abused, and maligned, and yet the Lord allowed Paul an additional thorn in the flesh so that the power and glory of God alone would be manifested in his life.

Self-pity is dangerous. It is the curse of all people but especially of the timid, and insecure.

When I indulge it, I often find myself seeking the sympathy of others. I want to matter, and I want other people to tell me I do. But in seeking that sympathy it is easy to throw my “persecutors” under the bus—to seek to make myself look good at their expense. In the end, this hurts others, drives wedges between people, and does nothing to pursue biblical peace.

When I indulge in self-pity, I find it much easier to indulge in other sinful behavior. Husbands use self-pity as an excuse to indulge an addiction. A wife might use the same self-pity as an excuse for an affair or to run up a credit card. Some people even eat as a response to self-pity.

There is great freedom and joy in reminding myself that I do not matter.

I do not have to go through the excruciating process of figuring out whether everything that happens is a good thing or a bad thing for me. I can rejoice in the blessings that God gives others without wondering why He has not bestowed the same on me. Insults no longer have the same sting. I do not matter anyway. It frees me from the temptation to constantly compare myself with others.

How am I doing?

Better than I deserve, always!

Dr. E.R. Jordan was always an inspiration and encouragement to me. We all called him “Chief” because of his navy background. He was not a perfect man by any means, and he was perfectly willing to tell us about his flaws. We loved him for that. Whenever anyone asked Chief how he was doing, he would make a fist, pump it a little and say, “Better than I deserve.” Even when he was shuffling along under the devastating effects of Parkinson’s and could no longer speak intelligibly, he would still pump that fist and we all knew it meant, “better than I deserve.”

I was invited to preach at Camp Calvary and at Calvary Baptist Church in Lansdale PA (the church that Chief pastored for many years, and then his son Tim pastored for many years after him), the week before he graduated to heaven. As I walked into the room to greet him, he lay on his back unable to move. I, without thinking, started to say those words.

“Hello Chief, how are . . . .”

I stopped midway through the sentence suddenly realizing the ridiculousness of the question I was about to ask. He was clearly on his deathbed.

His eyes moved toward me, but his head did not move. And then he slowly raised that fist in the air and pumped it a few times.

Even then, it was “better than I deserve.”

My Lord matters.  Walking in obedience to Him, living a life that pleases Him, walking in His light and His fellowship is what is most important.

Oh, the true joy of getting over ourselves.