Why Do People, Even Christians, Relapse After Years of Sobriety?

 

In his marvelous little book, How to Say No to a Stubborn Habit [i], Erwin Lutzer explains why people who have gotten the victory over life-dominating sins can relapse, and very suddenly, even after decades of growth and spiritual progress. His main points are important for everyone to remember. Nearly every believer has some besetting sin that can re-emerge and cause devastation to the life of the sinner and others.

I sat next to a girl named Laura in on an airplane and took the opportunity to share the gospel with her. She was very talkative and opened up about her life and her doubts about Christianity. As far as I could tell, Laura had made a genuine profession of faith earlier in her life, but now in her late twenties she was doubting everything. Her main problem was that her father was an alcoholic and his addiction was causing great havoc in her family. At the point we talked, she was completely estranged from him.

Her father had been an alcoholic as a young man and ended up in jail and in the self-destruction that such an addiction brings. It was in jail that he found Christ. He made a profession of faith in Christ and was one of those people that really got saved as some say. God immediately took the addiction away from him and his life changed completely. He married a Christian girl and built a fairly normal Christian home. He began a ministry that was designed to help alcoholics find Christ and the life change that only Christ can bring. He effectively ministered to thousands of people over a 30-year span.

Then, inexplicably, he fell back into the grip of alcohol. His life spiraled out of control and he ended up worse than he was before he was saved. This failure completely disillusioned a daughter who saw her hero turn into a completely different person.

We have seen this pattern repeated even among fundamentalist leaders.

This pattern is more common than most would recognize. The victory season might last months or decades, but falling is always a real possibility.

Lutzer quotes Jerry G. Dunn [ii] in identifying a common pattern among those that relapse into addiction. I would contend we see this same pattern with all kinds of life-dominating kinds of sins.

• “I don’t ever want another drink” stage. In this stage, a person has had enough. They are at the end of their rope and the sin itself becomes repugnant to them. It is like the child who at pounds of chocolate in one sitting and then got sick. Seeing chocolate triggers that sick feeling and it becomes repugnant.
• Eventually, the addict begins to take pride in their sobriety. They get pins and count the months that they have been sober. They often tell people, first as a matter of accountability, then for the positive feedback that it brings. Eventually, pride becomes a way of looking down on others who have not had the same level of success.
• After a significant period of time, the addicts feel like they are now in control of their urges. The opportunities to partake are all around and buddies tell them that they can have one drink and it will be fine. He believes it and he partakes.
• The response to taking that drink can go in two directions. He can take that drink. Set it down and walk away, or it can immediately re-light an insatiable appetite that had long lain dormant. Both of the responses lead to complete relapse. Even in the first case, he takes that one drink and does just fine. So now he is convinced that he can partake in moderation and the “one time” drinks gradually increase in frequency until he is overwhelmed again.

Spiritual pride will lead us all to the most humiliating spiritual destruction. We want to be spiritually strong but in some areas of our lives, we are and will always be spiritually weak. This is no accident; this is by God’s design. He allows us to continue on in weakness so that we will daily depend upon Him and His strength rather than our own.

Even the Apostle Paul knew this kind of weakness. Weakness is not a curse; it is a condition that God allows in order to keep us close to Him. Our strength, no matter how great, will never compare to the greatness of His strength in us. We must never forget.

Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2 Corinthians 12:8-9)

 

[i] Lutzer has published this book under at least four different titles over the years including Winning the Inner War and Getting to NO!

[ii] God is for the Alcoholic, Moody Press, 1975.