Can You Address God as Mother if You had a bad Father?
I recently took in a podcast from the Council of Biblical Manhood and Womanhood titled “Should We Call God Mother?” I commend the whole session to you for some insight into gender issues of our day.
One point this podcast raised was in response to a point made by some professing Christians who oppose the so-called “patriarchy” of the Bible. A question was asked along these lines, “I am overcoming the terrible experiences I had with my own father, is it ok for me to address God in feminine terms while I heal?” There is a lot wrong with this way of thinking, some of which is addressed in the podcast. I kept thinking about what I heard and I wondered if one of the most obvious rebuttals of this point of view was missed.
How would one know a “bad” father is a bad father if not by the reality of a good heavenly Father with which one could compare his earthly father? How would our claim that we had a bad father be mitigated by transforming God into a “heavenly mother” instead? How does telling lies to ourselves about God solve the problem of the lie about fatherhood lived out before us by a bad father?
The only way we can know anything about true fatherhood is to understand God as he has revealed himself in the Bible. From the Bible, we learn things like this about God the Father:
- Our heavenly Father is perfect (Mt 5.48) [Earthly Fathers should be also, but alas!]
- Our heavenly Father forgives (Mt 6.14, cf. Mt 18.35) and calls us to forgive.
- Our heavenly Father cares for the least of the birds, do we assume he cares nothing for us? (Mt 6.26)
- Our heavenly Father knows what we need (Mt 6.32)
- Our heavenly Father knows how to give us what we need most, and he will give the Spirit to those who believe (Lk 11.13)
- Our heavenly Father wishes to grant peace and love with faith to his children (Eph 6.23)
- Grace and peace come from our heavenly Father (1 Thess 1.1, 2 Thess 1.2, 1 Tim 1.2, 2 Tim 1.2, Titus 1.4, 2 Jn 3)
- Our heavenly Father has life in himself and grants eternal life through the Son to those who believe (Jn 5.25-29, cf. Jn 6.27)
- Our heavenly Father disciplines us for our good (Heb 12.9-10)
- Our heavenly Father gives us every good and perfect gift (Jas 1.17)
- By the great love of our heavenly Father, we are made the children of God (1 Jn 3.1)
There is more that could be said of the kind of Father our God is. He is the standard of perfect fatherhood. It is true that no human father perfectly imitates the fatherhood God modeled for him. Even the best fathers will look back at their attempts with some regret. Personally, I wish I could go back and correct some of my errors (and those are just the ones I am aware of!). Alas, as my daughter once said, “You can’t rewind in life.”
Suppose someone has had a terrible father, one who failed at most aspects of fatherhood, one who was abusive, cruel, selfish … unworthy to fulfil the role he was called to. How should that person respond to God? Should he say, “God, I don’t trust you as a Father, I don’t know what a good father is, so how about you be my heavenly mother instead?” The statement sounds absurd. How does misnaming God solve the problem of an abusive earthly father?
Wouldn’t it be better to study the perfect fatherhood of God the Father? Wouldn’t it be better to understand what God means by fatherhood? Wouldn’t it be better to submit your heart and soul and mind to God, trusting him to use the ashes of your past to proclaim a glorious testimony of God’s redemption and healing?
You can’t even really understand what is wrong with a bad father without truly knowing the good Father, our heavenly Father, our God.
Rather than redefining God according to our hurts and feelings, let’s allow God to redefine us by his eternal truth.
Don Johnson is the pastor of Grace Baptist Church of Victoria, Victoria, BC, Canada.
Photo by Juliane Liebermann on Unsplash