Are You Teachable?
One of the many admirable traits of President Abraham Lincoln was his willingness to hear opposing sides of an argument. In words that are the title of a book about Lincoln’s leadership, he intentionally gathered a “Team of Rivals” (see here) around him in the White House. “Lincoln chose to surround himself with the strongest people despite three of them opposing his nomination for President. He asked political rivals, all with views different than his own on certain topics, to join him for the good of the nation.” Lincoln’s approach is remarkable because it’s so rare. “All too often, [leaders] looking to build a team select people who think and act the same way they do” (see here). While Richard Nixon claimed, “I don’t want a government of yes-men,” the truth is that “among all the president’s men, those who said ‘no’ did so at their peril. He went down a path of destruction in the company of sycophants” (see here).
It’s possible to imagine ourselves as being like Lincoln, when in fact most of us are Nixon. Even if we’re not in a position of formal leadership, we still select who will be around us and the voices to which we’re willing to listen. When was the last time one of your chosen confidants confronted your thinking or behavior? How diversified are your information sources? Do your ‘friends’ and other connections on social media all think the same things? The problem with living in our self-constructed thought silos is that it confirms us in our biases, leaving us where we’ve always been. And this is a tragedy for anyone, but especially for a Christian whose objective is to be conformed to Christ (Romans 8:29), because growth is impossible in an echo chamber.
The problem with living in our self-constructed thought silos is that it confirms us in our biases, leaving us where we’ve always been.
“You’ve Got Another Think Coming”
My dear, godly, late mother used to say to her four boys in justifiable exasperation, “If you think I’m going to work my fingers to the bone around here while you lay around and do nothing, you’ve got another think coming!” She was saying, “You better think again”, and of course she was right. We needed to rethink our responsibilities regularly but required her prodding to do so. People who grow realize that they have much to learn and so always have ‘another think coming’ (including about the phrase ‘another think coming’ because, admit it, some of you thought it was ‘another thinG coming’ – see here), and therefore intentionally surround themselves with voices who will stimulate it.
People who grow realize that they have much to learn and so always have ‘another think coming’, and therefore intentionally surround themselves with voices who will stimulate it.
Those who welcome correction are commended in Scripture. The Bible says, Whoever heeds life-giving correction will be at home among the wise (Proverbs 15:31) and, Better is open rebuke than hidden love [because] wounds from a friend can be trusted (Proverbs 27:5-6). But how can we be corrected if we live in a house of mirrors that only show what we are, rather than being surrounded by portraits of what we should be? And how can we be rebuked if the only voice we heed is really our own, simply magnified by those who mimic our thoughts?
A couple years ago I participated in an online pastor’s forum with a small group of men for whom I have great respect and whose company I have enjoyed on several occasions. The chosen topic was the racial tensions in our country that were especially acute at the time, and featured presentations from a white, Christian police officer and a Christian African-American, to share their perspectives. While I appreciated both of these brothers’ words, I was frankly disappointed in the meeting because, as it turned out, both men’s views corresponded with those of nearly everyone in the group. Therefore, it’s impossible that anyone actually learned anything, and the consensus seemed to be that we in fact have nothing to learn. While the African-American brother is to be commended for his courage because he represents an all-too-small minority within his community and his plea is one that needs to be heard there, I and my pastor-friends have heard his message our entire lives namely, the problem in the black community is simply a lack of personal responsibility. If there was anything more to the backstory like say, slavery or racism or redlining or Jim Crow or (lack of) civil rights or economic inequality, etc., you’d never have known it from our meeting. The thinking is apparently this: It’s not that we need to try to understand them, rather it’s that we need to help them understand. As a result, we left the meeting no better than when we came.
How can we be corrected if we live in a house of mirrors that only show what we are, rather than being surrounded by portraits of what we should be?
Gospel Confidence
I have benefited from the ministry and writings of Gene Getz over the years, and had the privilege of meeting him several years ago, spending a week at his church in the Dallas area. While there I met some of the elders of his church, learning that many of them had served with Gene for decades. They all spoke of his character in glowing terms, but I remember the words of one in particular. He said, “Gene is the most secure man I’ve ever met.” He went on to explain that Getz was never threatened by disagreement. As a result, Gene listened, learned, and grew as a leader over their years together.
The Gospel, when properly applied, creates a godly confidence that makes us teachable – able to be wrong, desiring to be corrected, thankful for the opportunity to grow. We quash dissent because we find our security in being right. But the Gospel makes it safe to be wrong, because no matter how uncertain my experience, I’m always completely secure in my position. That is, even though the world around me is chaotic and seems to be unraveling, rather than finding my security in pat answers and affirming friends, the Gospel provides confident assurance that no matter what I do wrong, and no matter how wrong I may have been or may be, what’s most important is unshakeable namely, I am a child of God in whom He is working to make me like Himself. So, I’m willing to undergo self-examination and self-criticism because my worth is not in being right, but in Him.
The Gospel, when properly applied, creates a godly confidence that makes us teachable.
So Be Like Lincoln
Those who do not intentionally emulate Lincoln will default to being like Nixon. If we’re going to grow, we must be willing to move away from our echo chambers and confirmation bias. Here are some steps we can take in that direction:
- Purposefully gather around you voices that challenge your thinking – in the secular realm but especially for your spiritual life – people and sources that will tell you what you need to hear, not just what you want to hear.
- Lose the ‘Whataboutism’ that seeks to protect what we want to believe with knee-jerk responses. That is, when someone criticizes something you believe or someone you believe in (a politician, for example), resist the urge to say, “But what about …”.
- Give more attention to your errors than others’ mistakes. This holds true in all relationships whether in marriage, work, church, or politics.
- Maintain the difference between a bedrock biblical conviction, which cannot change, and an application of Scripture, which can. Hold the former with a closed hand, the latter with a loose grip.
Many years ago, a dear brother lovingly confronted me about my combativeness in personal relationships. He had observed me in debate with others and noticed a desire to win the argument even if I lose a friendship. He did so for my own good, and that of the future ministry to which he knew I aspired, but which was threatened by this sinful character flaw. He reminded me of what the Lord says: The Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth (2 Timothy 2:24-25). While I still struggle to apply that rebuke to my life and ministry, I am thankful to this day that the Lord loved me, and those whom I would one day serve, enough to provide someone willing to tell me what I need to hear. I still have much to learn, and so do you. Let’s seek out those who will correct our errors rather than affirm us in them.
Ken Brown is the pastor of Community Bible Church in Trenton, MI. We republish his article by permission.
Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash