Take Back the Family Meal

 

My family ate together every evening (except Tuesdays, when we all scrambled out of the house together to go to midweek prayer meeting).

It wasn’t just part of our own family culture, it was part of the way many families functioned for much of our nation’s history. I remember being astounded at my friend’s family for setting out dinner buffet style and eating in front of the TV every night.

If you are serious about being a Christian parent, take back the family meal.

Supper was about the same time every night—sometimes a little earlier or later depending on the circumstances–but the ritual was the same once it started. We all sat down at the table, each in our assigned seats with Dad sitting at the head of the table. The seating arrangement mattered. It established my father as the leader of our family. Mom sat next to him. She did not sit at the opposite end, but rather close enough to talk with him easily. The proximity communicated a united marital front for us children. I do not think they planned it this way, it is just how it worked out.

The table was set—usually by one of the children–in an orderly manner. Next to dad’s plate, we placed the family Bible.

Everyone waited for each other. We did not touch the food or begin eating until everyone sat down at the table. Then we prayed together. We took turns leading in prayer genuinely thanking God for the food.

After prayer, eating commenced. Food was passed from one to another clockwise—that is just how our family did it. We had specific instructions on how to exhibit appropriate mealtime manners. It was not a stuffy event for children. We freely talked with one another and felt comfortable with one another as we shared the meal together.  We had no smartphones to distract us and the television was in another room.

As we finished eating, my father would open the Bible and begin to read. We read through Proverbs a lot, but also read other passages of scripture. As we read we would talk about what we were reading. It was not a lecture, it was a discussion.

Mom would sincerely ask a question like, “I wonder what that word actually means?”

Dad or one of the children would chime in with an opinion.

Events on the news or at school would work their way into the conversation.

Drug use was rampant in the local high schools when I was in my later elementary school years. Neighbor kids would talk about siblings and friends that were getting into trouble. I remember my father asking these questions:

“What will you do if you find out a friend of yours is doing drugs? Will you tell your parents or theirs? What is the best way to show that you really care for your friend?”

“What will you do if someone offers drugs to you? What will you say?”

That day came not too many years later, and the words that I had rehearsed with my mother and father at the family meal automatically flowed from my lips.

Our discussions ranged from personal morality to finance. When we read the verses in Proverbs about not being “surety” for another, dad launched into the story about how he had co-signed a loan for a friend of his (and how my mother told him at the time that it was not a good idea) and how he ended up having to pay the debt. In one self-deprecating story, he taught us a life lesson, built our respect for our mother, and deepened our trust in him, knowing that he would tell us the truth even if it was not flattering to him.

We would end this discussion time with prayer requests and prayer. The whole thing might take no more than 8-12 minutes unless the discussion was really interesting. Then we might go longer.

This became so much a part of my life, that when I had my own family, we continued the same practice. Supper started with prayer and ended with family Bible time. We read The Bible in Pictures for Little Eyes when the children were small, and then the Bible and other devotional type books as they got older.

As I look back, these daily times of interaction are some of my most precious memories. They were also formative spiritually. There is nothing that I would trade for them.

Take back your family meal. Make it sacrosanct. Do not surrender it to screen time, ball games, piano lessons, or soccer practice.

It might be the most important part of your parenting. Without the discipleship of the family meal and family altar time, your church attendance and family rules become legalistic burdens. The power of the family meal is that it can become a time to communicate important truths with one another. If you are a young family starting out, start now, while your children are small.  If you have not been doing it.  Start.  It will be awkward at first but stay with it.

This one habit can change your family dynamic for generations.