Dealing with Criticism
Criticism is a crutch that makes the weak feel strong. It is a way for someone to look smart and successful while hiding in the shadows.
We all “love” our critics … yeah right! Even though that might not be true, it is true that our critics can consume our minds and distract our attention from the work the Lord gave us.
Critics have a way of getting under our skin. One negative review, comment, or post, has the power to eliminate fifty positive comments we might receive.
Critics have crushed the spirit and drive of many. Critics are quick to judge, extremely opinionated, and “obviously” experts in their field of choice.
Thom Rainer has recently published an article regarding this same subject for pastors. His opening paragraph is a quote from a criticized pastor. “There is a group of former church members in my community,” the pastor said, “that is causing me great pain. They are regularly posting negative and divisive words on Facebook about my church, my family, and me. I have engaged them twice, and it only got worse. When you wrestle with a dirty pig, you get dirty yourself.”
If you have been in any position of leadership, from coaching a biddy league soccer team to the president of an organization, you know what I am talking about all too well. As hard as we try, it is impossible to keep everyone happy. Just ask a leader who has had to decide regarding mask or no mask. It often seems no matter what decision one makes it will cause contention. As leaders, you must make the difficult decision, even if it means opening yourselves up for criticism.
If you plan on delivering criticism, please…
Consider what it might do to the one receiving it.
I was at Dunkin’ last week (I know, big surprise) and the lady working not only gave me my coffee but a free donut as well. She said it was for being so nice and patient. She then proceeded to tell me a story about a man who got very upset with her last month. She said he wrote an awful review and called corporate on her. She was in tears as she told me the story. I just wanted to give the poor lady a hug and my donut back! This one act of criticism crushed her.
If you are so self-consumed that you fail to think of the one you are about to criticize keep your comments to yourself! A good rule of thumb is to never say anything online or elsewhere about a person you wouldn’t be willing to say to them face to face.
Before reacting to a critical comment, post, or call, please
Make sure the critic is not calling the shots.
Criticism can often be nothing more than an attempt to control. Leaders tend to put way too much value upon the thoughts of the minority while neglecting the majority. We focus on the few who critique us instead of the majority who support us. Basing your motives and actions on their possible reactions is not leading, it is being led.
Many times, our first reaction to criticism is a desire to quit. If I quit every time someone criticized me, I would be in my 20th house instead of my 11th! We can’t do that! A pastor friend of mine, Greg Powell, said this the other day and I feel it’s worth repeating. “I’ve had people tell me to use more family illustrations and also never to use family illustrations in a sermon ever again on the same day. I’ve gotten texts that the sermon was loved and hated after the same message. People have left the church because of a word they thought I said!”
I love what President Lincoln said regarding this. “I do the very best I know how — the very best I can; and I mean to keep doing so until the end. If the end brings me out all right, what is said against me won’t amount to anything. If the end brings me out wrong, ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference.”
Before you get angry and respond to criticism, please…
Consider the source.
- Look closely at the past and present circumstances in the critic’s life. It could be you wrote, talked about, or hit a nerve close to home. It might be you provided a way for them to vent their hurt caused by other life issues. They simply acted out an internal scar that runs deep in them.
- Ask yourself if this person tends to complain about everything. Some people thrive on kicking even when they are not swimming. There is nothing you can do in a situation like this. You can try to kill them with kindness, but it might not be worth your time, effort, or energy.
- God is the only source worthy to judge.
1 Corinthians 4:3-4- “But with me, it is a very small thing that I should be judged of you, or of man’s judgment: yea, I judge not mine own self. For I know nothing by myself; yet am I not hereby justified: but he that judgeth me is the Lord.”
Treg Spicer is pastor of Faith Baptist Church – Morgantown, WV. Follow his blog here. We republish his articles by permission.