The Forgiven, Forgive
In His famous Sermon on the Mount Jesus taught that the forgiveness Christians receive from the Lord is to have a profound impact on our relationships with others, so much so that a refusal to forgive indicates you’ve never been forgiven: If you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins (Matthew 6:15). Author Daniel Doriani dispels the notion that this means we somehow earn our forgiveness from God:
Jesus’ point is that God forgives the penitent. That is, if we understand how precious it is to be forgiven, if we know how much it cost God to forgive, then we will forgive others. The forgiven have motives to forgive. We thank God for His gift, we admire the beauty of his way, and we hope to do the same for others.
But forgiveness is clearly very important to God, and a requirement for those who claim to have received it from Him. However, the practice of forgiveness raises many issues and questions, some of which will be examined in this article.
What Forgiveness is NOT
As mentioned in my previous blog entry (see here), most of the misconceptions about forgiveness arise because we equate it with a feeling. Granting forgiveness is not about feeling like forgiving or liking the one you forgive. People sometimes say, “I can’t forgive.” When they say that, they’re really saying, “I don’t think I can feel good about this person.”
Also, forgiving another does not require forgetting, as in the well-known phrase “Forgive and forget.” This notion has understandably arisen from biblical passages such as, As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us (Psalm 103:12) and [The Lord says] I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more (Isaiah 43:25). But we need to remember that an omniscient God is incapable of forgetting. When the Bible says, for example, “God remembered Noah” (Genesis 8:1) it does not mean He ever forgot, but rather that He set His attention on Noah for the task He had for Him. Likewise, when Scripture says God “remembers our sin no more” it does not mean He forgets it, but that He will no longer focus on it – a commitment that we too must make to those we forgive, as we’ll see below.
In addition, when we seek forgiveness it is not merely an apology. While it may well include the words, “I’m sorry”, we must seek forgiveness for more than mere personal slights or offenses. While we certainly should apologize when we inadvertently offend by our words or actions, we ask forgiveness when we sin, confessing what we’ve done and asking the one we’ve sinned against for forgiveness. So, “I’m sorry” is for accidents; “Will you forgive me?” is for sin.
What Forgiveness IS1
God designed forgiveness to honor Him by graciously restoring a sinning brother or sister. Conferring forgiveness involves four promises to the one who has sinned against us:
- “I will not dwell on this incident.” It may well come to mind, but I will not meditate on it.
- “I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.” We will not say, “This is just like what you did when you (fill in the blank forgiven issue).”
- “I will not talk to others about this incident.”
- “I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.”
Forgiveness FAQs
Q: Who is responsible to pursue, the offender or offended?
The Bible says that the offending party has a responsibility to initiate the process:
If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you [i.e. you have sinned against someone], leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. (Matthew 5:23-24)
But in Matthew 18 the responsibility rests on the offended party: “If your brother or sister sins against you, go and show them their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won your brother or sister over” (Matthew 18:15).
So how do we reconcile these? On the one hand, we have the responsibility of the offender to go and seek forgiveness. On the other, the responsibility is with the offended. Which is it? Both. In fact, they should run into each other on their way to reconcile!
Q: Can I forgive even when I’m not asked?
Technically, no. To really grant forgiveness and restore the relationship, then forgiveness is preceded by confession: “If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). That’s the way God forgives us, after we seek it, and Scripture tells us to “Forgive each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).
However, you must deal with your own internal attitude toward those who sin against you, lest it descend into bitterness. On the other hand, if you’re to have reconciliation, the offender must see the error of their way.
Q: Can you forgive when the individual does the same thing over and over?
Yes. Jesus taught we are to be willing to forgive a practically limitless number of times when He said we are to forgive “seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:21). He was not saying we should count until 490 and then be unwilling, but rather indicating that our willingness to forgive has no limit, just as God’s for us.
BUT, we often confuse forgiveness with consequences. We can forgive a sin, and yet there may still be consequences for it. For example, forgiveness does not abrogate the need for restitution for damages (Luke 19:8). It may mean we alter aspects of our relationship to protect the forgiven from further sin. For instance, parents may forgive a child who squanders his allowance getting drunk, but it may be that they reduce or eliminate the allowance for his own wellbeing.
Forgiveness should join confession and repentance – it should be preceded by confession, and then succeeded by repentance, because it’s not simply transactional, but transformational. Those forgiven by God, in turn forgive others. And those forgiven by others in turn seek to forsake their sin (repentance). But since none forsake sin fully, so we are to stand ready to engage the confession – forgiveness – repentance cycle, extending grace for the limited ways we’ve suffered wrong, because God extends His grace for the unlimited way we have wronged Him.
The forgiven, forgive.
Ken Brown is the pastor of Community Bible Church in Trenton, MI. We republish his article by permission.
Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash