7 Important Life Lessons from a Godly Father

This is my first Father’s Day without my father being present to honor. He went home to heaven in January after battling Covid. I was fearing this day, but I should not have. Thinking about dad on this day has made me thankful for him and for the things that he taught me that remain part of my life. Please indulge me as I share some of those things with you. It gives me joy and comfort to do so.

Be kind (Ephesians 4:32).

If there is any character trait that defined my father it was kindness. He was kind almost without exception. He loved people and treated everyone with respect. He was even kind to his children in discipline. There is nothing masculine about unkindness.

Love your wife (Ephesians 5:25).

My father loved my mother. We all knew it. They were inseparable until the very moment that Covid-19 divided them. It gave us children absolute security in our home. I never heard my father say one unkind word to my mother or show her disrespect in any way. My mother would often comment in private on how very blessed she was to have my father as her husband. She was not saying it out of duty as a submissive wife but spontaneously from a grateful heart.

Hug your daughters (2 Corinthians 6:18).

One quiet evening at home my mother called me to her side. She said quietly, “Look at your father.” Dad was sitting on the sofa with one of my younger pre-teen sisters snuggled up beside him.

“You make sure you do that with your daughters when you have a family. Girls need their dads to hug them,” she said.

I never forgot it.  I am thankful for dad’s example and for mom taking the time to point it out.

Praise your children (Matthew 3:17).

“You are gifted Kevin, you can do anything God calls you to do.”

Those words from my dad ring in my ears today. The moment he spoke them is etched in my mind. The heavenly Father praised the divine Son for all to hear. God is our fatherly example. We need to be willing to praise our children when they do well. This provides encouragement for sons and gives daughters a sense of acceptance and approval. God does it with us.

Make family altar a habit (Deuteronomy 6:7).

Family devotional time was part of our life growing up. We prayed before our evening meal, ate and talked together, and before we left the table we read the Bible, sang, and prayed together. We had all kinds of conversations during that time. As we read Proverbs together dad would tell stories about how he did not do the thing Proverbs said to do, and the price he paid for it. We talked about how we should respond when asked to sin. I remember talking about what to say when someone offers you drugs. Later, when it happened those rehearsed words were right there on my lips. Talking about spiritual things regularly made talking about spiritual things natural for us.

Discipline in faith (Hebrews 12:6).

When dad disciplined us, we knew he was doing it in obedience to the Lord. I am not saying he never got frustrated. He probably did, but we did not see it.

He did not discipline in fear. Fear drives discipline to extremes. Fear can keep you from discipline for fear of children rejecting you. Fear can drive a parent to excessive discipline fearing what others might think or where such behavior might end up. I never had a sense that dad was disciplining me for anything other than my good and to be obedient to his Heavenly Father. That lesson was very important for me to learn in raising pastor’s kids. We determined not to discipline our children out of fear of what a deacon or church leader might think. All that matters is God’s approval.

Trials are teaching moments (James 1:1-5).

I was 10 years old when my 18-month-old brother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I watched my mom and dad go through the worst trial parents can face. There was another family in our church at the time that lost a child to leukemia. I watched those parents become bitter and disappear from church. Not so with my parents. They mourned. They grieved, but they held firm to their Lord. Not only did their steadfast faith in trial provide a secure home environment in a very difficult time, but it also confirmed in my heart as a ten-year-old that they were real, that their faith was real, and that God was real. I am firmly convinced that their faithfulness to God in a trial is one of the reasons that I am in ministry today.

Be there (Deuteronomy 1:29-31).

My dad did not come to every ball game or recital, but he was always “there”. He was always available–willing to talk, teach life lessons, and communicate truth. As I got into adulthood, there was no one in my life more dependable than my father. In crisis after crisis, he was there to provide godly and appropriate biblical help.

There is so much more I could say, but that is enough for now. My father was not perfect, but I cannot imagine having a better father. He was my security as a child, my mentor as a young man, and my friend as an adult. I thank God for him and I rejoice that he is now free from the ravages of sin and at home with his Lord in heaven.  However, I did not write this today to honor my dad.  I wrote it so others may learn by his example–so that I will be reminded to follow in his footsteps.