Three Lessons to Learn from the Josh Harris Recantation

I wrote most of this blog earlier in the week and I intended to discuss Josh Harris recantation of his views on dating and the purity culture (here). But then, on Saturday, this bombshell hit. Josh Harris, the best-selling author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye and other books, former heir of CJ Mahaney at Covenant Life Church in Gaithersburg, Maryland, and the dynamic young leader of the homeschool movement is now saying that he is no longer a Christian (here). For many, this is a shock, and for all Christians, it should cause true sadness–but not despair. Josh Harris’ “falling away” is nothing new, there will always be those who depart from the faith. If Josh is truly where he says he is spiritually, it is a faith that he never genuinely possessed. However, we should be wise enough to do a little introspection–to look at our own response to popular Christian culture and learn.

The guru culture is dangerous.

Not a novice, lest being puffed up with pride he fall into the same condemnation as the devil. 1 Timothy 3:6-7

Josh Harris published his name-making bestseller when he was 21 years old (Multnomah, 2003). He had already been publishing a magazine aimed at the burgeoning homeschool movement throughout his teen years. I Kissed Dating Goodbye hit the homeschool movement and exploded in popularity selling more than a million copies. Other books followed. Immediately he became a guru to a vast generation of homeschooled young people and an example their parents readily promoted.

At 23 he joined the pastoral staff of Covenant Life Church—a megachurch in Maryland and the center of the Sovereign Grace movement—to be prepared by CJ Mahaney to take over as pastor. At the ripe age of 30 years old, he became the Senior Pastor—without the benefit of any formal seminary preparation.

Looking back, I wonder if he felt trapped and moved along by his own fame. His entire success, he confesses, was built on a book he wrote at 21 years old and now questions.

This is the nature of present-day popular Christianity. We easily latch on to people. We make them famous and then treat them as experts because they are famous. I am not criticizing the courtship culture at the moment, I am criticizing the idea of following particular gurus because they are attractive, seem to be together, and teach concepts that allay our fears. We also like to follow gurus who are like us—a young leader for young people. Shouldn’t teens listen to and follow an elder wise teacher rather than a 21-year-old who has not made his way in the world yet?

God calls us to follow the principles of his word, not gurus. We should consider what people say and write, but we should only embrace what we are convinced is truly biblical. If practices are clearly biblical, we can continue even if their original champion recants them. We must be Bereans (Acts 17:11).

Biblical sexual purity should not be glorified. It should be embraced as a normal obligation.

Does he thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded him? I think not. So likewise you, when you have done all those things which you are commanded, say, ‘We are unprofitable servants. We have done what was our duty to do. Luke 17:9-10

I Kissed Dating Goodbye was part of the Christian purity culture that championed abstaining from sex until marriage. The movement was characterized by purity rings and various ceremonies and celebrations. Of course, there is nothing wrong with Christian purity, but glorifying purity leads to taking pride in purity which leads to a form of self-righteousness that is in itself sin. The idea of Christian sexual purity is shocking to the world around us, but it should be normal for us.

Why can’t we just humbly obey our Lord? Our reward is in heaven. Handing out trophies now is a bit premature.

The unintended consequence of such a practice is to overemphasize the sexual relationship.  Wait, wait, wait until the happily ever after moment, and then everything will be great. While the sexual component is an important part of marriage, marriages are built on much more. The hard work of building a quality marriage is only just beginning on the honeymoon.

Strict legalistic structures easily become a crutch and a source of false hope.

Then the Lord said to him, “Now you Pharisees make the outside of the cup and dish clean, but your inward part is full of greed and wickedness. Foolish ones! Did not He who made the outside make the inside also? But rather give alms of such things as you have; then indeed all things are clean to you. But woe to you Pharisees! For you tithe mint and rue and all manner of herbs, and pass by justice and the love of God. These you ought to have done, without leaving the others undone. Luke 11:39-41

There is nothing wrong with Christian young people and parents being involved together in the process of choosing a life partner, but a highly defined process can become a substitute for the more important relationships. Courtship is no substitute for deep and open conversations between parents and children where they talk freely about human sexuality, marriage, and the biblical principles that apply.

Every pastor has had a devastated spouse or broken-hearted parents sit in his office and say, “How did this happen? We did everything the right way!”

Conservative Christians have been constantly looking for the perfect Christian process for parenting and marriage. The youth seminars were the first to come along. Then a generation thought Christian Schools would guarantee success. For the next it was homeschooling. I am not against Christian School or homeschool (we homeschooled our own children and have enjoyed the blessings of Christian School), but neither provides anything close to a guarantee.

Many have looked at courting the same way. Courting was a reaction to the worldly dating culture that is often emotionally damaging. The ideal is that a young man and young woman give their heart only to the person God intends for them to marry, and then by God’s grace they live happily ever after. The problem is that it often just does not work out that way. Sometimes people are not what they present themselves to be. Sometimes—like with Josh Harris—they change. Certainly, avoid a broken heart if you can, but it’s better to endure a broken heart now and avoid a bad marriage later. You can do everything the right way and still face overwhelming heartache.  God’s will for us is to faithfully and humbly follow Him regardless of the hardships we face along the way. Inevitably, we will face our own failures and the failures of others. We must not plan to fail or purposefully accommodate failure, but following or Lord in the face hardship is one of the ways in which we glorify Him.

“Doing it the right way” is not a substitute for walking in fellowship with God and submitting to the Spirit. No courting structure, dating standards, personal lifestyle choices, Christian School, home school, or Christian College excuses us from a daily desperate dependence upon God to forgive, enable, and lead us on our earthly sojourn.