A Tale of Two Yearbooks

Chivalry died in the 1970’s, this week’s hearings prove it.

Sexual harassment, assault, and abuse have been at center stage this week. One of the little published aspects of this week’s SCOTUS hearings has been the content of the yearbooks at two private prep schools in Washington DC during the early 1980’s. Kavanaugh’s yearbook had references to high school drinking and partying and demeaning sexual innuendos—in the printed text. The text of the yearbook for Christine Blasey Ford’s all-girls school was worse (here) including provocative photos of the female students in playboy bunny outfits, bragging about passing out at parties, etc.  Was there an adult sponsor or school administration?  Parents bought ads in those yearbooks!

The movies of that time period (and many following) depict drunken unconscious sex, peeping tomb ehavior, public humiliations and more. All of it was in the name of pranksterism and fun.

It is now called the rape culture.

Molly Ringwald says that iconic movie she starred in, Sixteen Candles, glorifies the rape culture (here). There is a whole list of them—Porky’s, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, The Breakfast Club and many more. Much of what was being depicted in the movies at that time as raunchy fun was in reality illegal sexual assault and could land the perpetrator in jail for decades and scar a victim for life.

It is a lesson in how Hollywood shapes the morals and expectations of society. I did not go to those movies. I was not allowed to. I am glad for it. I grew up in a conservative Christian environment where it was considered sin to watch such things. It was. I am not saying we did not have our own problems in this area–we did–but not on that scale, and we knew it was wrong. Taking pleasure in watching someone else being sexually assaulted or humiliated even in a movie cannot be considered Christ-like.  And yet, in 2009, Christianity Today published an article that speaks fondly of John Hughes and his movies and describes how he shaped the ecclesiology of a generation of Christian GenXers (August 2009).

It dawned upon me this week that even though I did not watch those movies, the culture they impacted had an influence on me. As a teen in the late 1970’s and early 1980’s I considered the activity depicted in these movies as immoral, but I would never have thought of it as illegal. A few years ago I got together with several friends from high school—all men, all in pastoral ministry. The conversation turned sober as we remembered how unkindly (demeaning attitude, mean words) we had treated girls in our own church youth group! Some of us have even sought out some of those young women to apologize and seek forgiveness.

Be careful. It is not any better now. The rape culture, with the arrival of the internet, has become the porn industry. Comments about viewing porn pop up all through TV and movies now and it is viewed as unproblematic.

We cannot go back in time and respond differently to what was around us then, but we can take a harder look at what is around us now.

While drinking, partying, parental permissiveness, porn, and much more come to mind, there is one particular—more positive–lesson that struck me this week.

We need to commit ourselves to being gentlemen and our women to be ladies. The feminist movement has opposed chivalry as demeaning to women. They are mistaken. Chivalry is more about the men than the women. It is a system that is designed to teach young men to treat women kindly, as valuable, and deserving respect. It is the opposite of taking advantage, abusing, and misusing physical strength. This is something that has to be taught, men do not just learn it naturally. Women should not want to be treated like “one of the guys.” Guys tend to treat one another unkindly and harshly and they are constantly testing their strength against one another. The gender difference means that a young men will always see young women with a certain level of attraction. It is a biological certainty. Our species will not survive without it. That attraction has to be channeled into protective and respectful behavior that treats a woman with a certain sense of awe.

In the same way, we need to teach our young women to be ladies. This is the opposite of viewing themselves as valuable only as sex objects to be desired or as predators on the hunt. Lady-like behavior is an expression of biblical self-respect. For Christians, it teaches young women to see themselves as precious children of their loving heavenly Father. It not only honors the woman, it also communicates that self-respect to others and shows respect in return.  It is demonstrated in attitude and behavior as well as dress.

It is very difficult for parents to teach this in isolation. They have to associate with a community that shares the same values, raises children in the same way, and has at least similar expectations—a church, a Christian school where these values are truly practiced.

In the late 1970’s and 80’s (and today as well) chivalry was considered arcane, unliberated, and prudish. But now we have the #metoo movement, abuse, accusation, emotional scarring, and regret.

So, how does chivalry look now?