Chapter 4 – Trusting in the Silence
“All their life in this world and all their adventures had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle
Until we are living in the place where that story “goes on forever,” God has written a story for our lives to be lived out here and now. It is a good story. Actually it is a perfect story. One that is far better than we could ever imagine. The thing that makes our story perfect and great is that it really is not about us. We are not the main character in the story of our life; Jesus is!
One of the great stabilizing truths of life (thank you Dr. Ken Collier) is that God’s purpose for me is Christlikeness. In other words, everything God brings into my life is by sovereign design intended to mold and shape me to model the life of our Lord so that others would see him, be drawn to him, and glorify him. Let me say that again, “everything God brings into my life…”
My first visit to the Department of Otolaryngology at Ohio State Wexner Medical Center was on February 21, 2017. I was referred there after a few visits with a local ENT specialist. The reason for my appointment was that I had for some time been struggling with my voice. At times, while preaching I would suddenly feel a painful “grabbing” in my throat and my voice would shut down. The silence was temporary so I could continue speaking but with more frequent occurrences of the “grabbing” silence I thought I should see a doctor. After that first appointment we had a good idea of what might be the cause and a course of treatment for dealing with the problem.
Over the course of a year or so, I had vocal cord injections, laser surgery, stomach surgery (the thought being that reflux was affecting the vocal cords), speech therapy and a freak visit to the ER after one of those procedures. My doctors were fantastic. I am thankful for all they did but nothing “worked.” By “worked” I mean, my voice was completely lost and no procedure brought it back.
My last visit to my doctor was April 4, 2018. It was one of those “I know what they are going to say” visits. After the scope down the nose, my good doctor almost in tears herself, said, “I think you should look for a new career.” I knew she was going to say it but it was still a kick in the gut. The gist of the final diagnosis is that I have lost the ability to effectively communicate with my voice. It is gone. Everyone in the room that morning: my doctor, my therapist, my wife and I, grieved together. We had done all we could, humanly speaking, to “change” the situation but God had different and better plans.
Much has transpired since April 4th. I have finished my ministry as pastor of Maranatha Bible Church. I preached my last sermon there on July 22nd. The good people of Maranatha have been so gracious and loving. They endured my whispered sermons much longer than they should have.
As you can imagine, Paula and I needed some counsel and encouragement so we met with our dear friends Marshall and Gretchen Fant. In the course of our conversation he said, “this is just the next chapter in your story.” So we got to thinking and mapped out God’s story for us:
- Chapter 1 – Evangelism
- Chapter 2 – Church Planting/Pastoring in Georgia
- Chapter 3 – Pastoring in Ohio
- Chapter 4 – ?
We can’t tell you what Chapter 4 is because we don’t know ourselves. We don’t know what the story is but we do know Who wrote it and we are trying to trust his deep, deep love for us.
Let me say thank you to my doctors and caregivers. You are all a gift from God. Thank you to everyone who has prayed and are still praying for us. Thank you to our church family for your patience and love. Thank you to my kids who are walking this road with me. Thank you to my precious wife without whom the journey would be lonely, long, and unbearable.
Now…Chapter 4.
Cary Grant is a former member of the FBFI Executive Board and most recently served as pastor of Maranatha Bible Church in Glenford, OH. This article first appeared on his blog and we repost it here with permission.
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