Thank God for Joyful Moms (and Dads)

 

On May 4, Heather Wilhelm published an article in the National Review that panned all the media sources today talking about the “horror” and misery of motherhood (motherhood-portrayal-in-media-wrong) Of course, Heather says that contrary to the media portrayal, motherhood is worth it. Good for her.

With Mother’s Day coming we have the great opportunity to say thank you to those women who have had such a profound impact on our lives and the lives of those we love. It is especially important in a culture that seems set up to make moms miserable.  Heather Wilhelm describes one reason why this might be so.

Weirdly enough, the most common elements of torture invoked in the growing “motherhood is awful” canon seem largely self-imposed — the fruits of a particularly American earth-mother perfectionism, paired with a strange belief that good parenting involves making yourself as miserable as possible while sacrificing all sense of self. If you decide to co-sleep with your child in your bed until said child is two years old, for instance, you’re probably not going to get much sleep for two years. If you decide against scientific evidence that baby formula is bottled hemlock and can never be used, ever — even when you’re, say, sick in bed with strep throat — well, good luck to you.

It seems that while motherhood is resented by some as robbing them of their identities as individuals, others work so desperately hard at it that they rob themselves of any joy just through personal pressure and worry.  What a horrible dilemma!  I am so glad my wife and I do not have to live in this misery.

Being Christians allows both moms and dads to find a joy in parenting that seems to be quite uncommon in the world around us. Here is why.

We can parent in faith, not in fear.

Extreme demonstrations of faith characterize most of the famous mothers in scripture. Sarah had to trust God to give her a child. Jochebed (Moses’ mother), had to have the faith to put him into a basket and trust God to protect him, and then to place him in the household of Pharoah. Hannah trusted God enough to place Samuel in the care of Eli, but ultimately in the care of God.  Mary had to let her Son be about His Father’s business.

The joy of faith is the confidence that God’s care and plan for our child is ultimately far superior to our own. We have an all-loving, all-knowing, all-powerful, everywhere present God, who loves our children more than we can possibly imagine and who is not just backing us up, but leads in their care and protection. We must be wise and do our best, but it is sure comforting to know that He is here.

We view our children differently.

We see children as gifts from God, not biological accomplishments (Psalm 127:3).

They are not expressions of our earthly destiny. They are not our necessary contribution to the survival of our species. They are not trophies of our abilities or status. Their success is not what determines our own self-worth. They are precious gifts given by God to us to raise for His glory. They are sinners being raised by sinners all of whom need to be saved by grace.

While children are a joy and blessing, they are not, and should not be our fulfillment in life. That comes from Christ alone (Colossians 2:10). Fulfillment in life can be ours whether or not God allows us to marry or parent children. When we make our children our fulfillment we put pressures on them and on ourselves that were never intended for that relationship.

There is joy in knowing our children walk in truth (3 John 4), but we should be able to have joy even if they do not. Yes, we are burdened for them and we pray for them, but having a burden for another’s spiritual well-being does not preclude our own true joy in Christ through the Spirit (Galatians 5:22).

We know we are not alone in our parenting.

Even when a believer faces the difficult task of raising children as a single parent, they are not alone. The power and grace of God rests upon them. This does not mean the task isn’t hard—sometimes impossible. But God gives us grace as we walk with Him to accomplish the impossible. Sometimes we feel alone, but He is always there. He does know, He does provide, He cares, and He enables (Romans 8:26-37).

God enables parents to endure some of the most difficult circumstances of life. I have seen it with my own eyes. My 18-month old brother died of cancer when I was 10. I watched my parents find comfort, hope, and joy in Christ in that time of great trial accepting by faith God’s plan for my brother’s life as best according to His wisdom. I have watched parents with burdens about wayward children still find their own personal joy in Christ, while never giving up the loving hope that their child will eventually make peace with God.

So yes, Heather Wilhelm, we agree with you. Being a mom is worth it. But for those who are believers it goes way beyond worth it. It is true that parenting can at times seem downright scary, but for believers in Christ it is an adventure in faith. Parenting is a God-given blessing, especially when we find our joy in Christ and not just in our kids.